“Tenderness and kindness are not signs of weakness and despair, but manifestations of strength and resolution.” Kahil Gibran.
After turning 50 it seemed I went through one health problem after another. It was like karma was slapping me to the ground, and yelling “Wake up!!” All the strategies that I had applied to surviving in my life just went out the window. Turning to spirituality was frustrating. My meditations were full of phrases like “I should” or “I have to.” Making sense of it all seemed impossible. My long journey into the dark night of the soul had begun.
One day, I came across an old box of embroidery threads, needles, and buttons passed on to me by my mother and grandmother. There in those old tins and boxes I found my heart again. I made a doll with big eyes and a funny mouth. I attached creatures to float about her face and drape around her shoulders. She was both dark and full of light. When she was almost done, I placed her on my heart. There I found tenderness. So began my journey into doll making.
Having begun a process of learning the Usui system of Reiki with my Reiki teacher, Mia Runanin, I began making the dolls for others using this modality to help with healing, and to further open up creativity for both myself, and for the recipients of the dolls. I have been stunned by the power of my doll meditations, and also the intuitive insight that has been received about the people for whom the dolls were created. Reiki helped me enter more deeply into the often invisible world of creativity.
Since that day I have made too many dolls to count. I have received pictures of my doll children on road trips with their new moms and dads. People have laughed or cried with joy when they have received them, as if they are reuniting with an old friend. Each of the dolls is imbued with a sense of joy and playfulness because that is the space I come to when I create them. I have kept only a few dolls for my own. They don’t appear to be mine to possess. The dolls have been gifted to family members, friends, and people I have never met. They travel to places I may never see, and yet I feel this profound connection to their journey. They are manifestations of kindness, and the playfulness we all need order to remain aligned to the source of true healing in ourselves.